Are there friends or family members pushing you toward this decision? Sometimes people mess up. Slow down and evaluate: Is this decision purely an emotional one?
Maybe your partner plays too many video games. Maybe they sometimes space out or interrupt when they talk to you. If the problem that is making you question whether to give up on a person is one that has a clear solution, it is a good sign to talk it through.
By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Keep trying. Keep giving your best. Kirsten Corley Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave , a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words. The greater the push, the greater the pull. But this is a necessary first step to moving on. You need to admit to yourself that your partner abandoned you for good.
You need to deal with your feelings of rejection. Accept your reality and move on from there. You're going about your day reminiscing on your past together. Meanwhile, your ex is moving on with life, having new experiences and creating new memories. You may feel that you still love your ex. In a way, you do. You're forgetting the way you were treated or left. We forget what really happened, that people are never perfect, and hold onto a story in our head that blocks anything else from happening in our life.
If this has been going on for fifteen years then it is highly advisable to seek professional help. It can also be that there are other issues from our childhood that stop us from trusting others, so we use the past experience as something we can blame everything on when really there are other, deeper issues we need to deal with.
A counsellor or therapist can help you get to the bottom of all that and help you learn about trust as well. Andy, thank you for sharing all this. Gosh, it sounds really hard. What we hear here is a super intelligent person, with an IQ and understanding of self probably far beyond many others.
That sort of advanced, well rounded intelligence itself is isolating, particularly when young but can change with age as we end up going off to universities, different cities, and find many more people who are like us.
But what we also hear are some real issues going on that are exacerbating this sense of alienation. You turn your intelligence on yourself, and judge yourself so harshly. You are brave enough to admit to self-hate. That sort of thing does not come out of nowhere, and does not rise out of just being smarter than others.
So intelligence is one thing, what about courage? Would you ever be brave enough to reach out for some professional support on this? We feel the changes it could make might surprise you.
A good start for people with a very active mind that veers toward the negative is cognitive behavioural therapy CBT that is also short-term. Compassion-based therapy might also be interesting for you.
And therapies aside, you might find looking into mindfulness interesting. We have a free guide here bit. After being accused of only ever being infatuated, I Googled some tests. It is clear I have never been in love with anyone in 50yrs!
I found I was answering No to all the questions above. Quite an eye opener really. I doubt I am alone in this surely? For a past few days i am feeling like this. There is nothing wrong between us, He loves me Deeply , Cares for me alot. Actually i had some past bad Relationship which was ended up badly. But I fall in love again with this Man. I am suffering from Lower self-esteem, i have lot of imperfections. I am also getting tensed by Exam!
I Ask my Heart Where the feelings has gone?? I just want to Love him deeply still my last Breathe!! Please help!!! Love is hard work. It has ups and downs. It is made up of good times but also conflicts and difficulties. A good relationship means we communicate and work through those difficulties. We are assuming if you are doing exams you are young, possibly a teenager. If so, again, all these big emotions, worries, anxiety, they are part of being an adolescent.
You are finding your way in life. It takes time. Try to also notice the good things, and not over focus just on the bad things. Read our articles on gratitude and try to make a list each day of five things that are good in your life and went well that day.
Andy, thanks for sharing. It is your life, and you are free to live in any way that works for you. And there are, for example, personality disorders that truly leave someone uninterested in relationships. But if you are concerned enough to be googling it, you are unlikely to have one of those. That requires a hell of a lot of courage and energy. I have BPD and am truly scared that I have never actually experienced love, but rather have been feeling cared for and therefor attached to my spouse.
I have known this guy for 3 years. Each time we give it a try, it is me who always calls it quits. But when we are not together ,I develop feelings for him. It is not fair ,because it feels like I am playing with his emotions. I wonder if I am the problem.
Hi Summer, thanks for sharing. This can mean sometimes we make choices just to satisfy that big need to feel cared about, even if they end up causing us drama. What needs to happen here is to find the root of this pattern, what is really driving you to re-engage, and what stops you from knowing what you want.
If this sort of pattern is not new to you, if it might relate to childhood issues, and if this sort if indecision also affects other areas of your life, we would suggest you seek counselling. I lost my first love when I was teenager but it was just puppy love. I stopped believing in love ever since and I kept having bad experience with men. I started using them for money, a place to stay, and explore the new place. I also enjoy the intimacy without having strings attached. I was under the influence all the times, especially back in college.
I was seeing someone I started having feelings, although I was confused about this feelings. We had the best moments in bed. Then, I was betrayed by him the rumors and he started avoiding from me I just decided to use someone else to be in relationship and then things gotten out of control.
We separate our ways and I broke up with him. I feel frustrated and confused. I thought maybe this confused feelings will go away. Then for awhile I thought of the same guy back in college randomly, I looked him up and saw his Facebook profile shows that he lives in the —— state where we will be moving in. I have been loyal to him. Also, I wanted to add one more thing. I grew up loner wolf. But I am in the between. Love or not. But the truth is that even those without BPD have such worries about love.
It is after all often an indefinable thing, and nothing like the very unrealistic representation we see in films, TV, and novels. Love is never constantly intense. It involves a lot of boredom, a lot of conflict. Love is about being there for each other. Note that it is just that, sabotage. Evidently this old relationship had nothing healthy to it. You say you are about to get married. Your partner is clearly a good man. So this just adds to the idea that real, solid, love, from someone who is always there for you, will feel scary.
And you will be tempted to sabotage it. I come from a background of physical, psychological and sexual abuse as a child. I see others with there own personal struggles still being able to find partners that accept them and support them but that never seems to happen for me.
Where do I even start to work on this. To let a man in and have them accept my past and my problems? Yvonne, first of all, give yourself some credit here for having the courage to seek treatment, this is wonderful to hear. As you say, there are many people around you who have struggles but are in a relationship. Why not you? So the first thing here is to really look at your own belief systems about yourself. Work to unearth and belief about what makes you different than others and then keep finding those facts that prove those beliefs entirely untrue.
Then just really try to raise that self-esteem. The more you accept yourself, your past, and your problems, the more you create a window for others to do so. So focus on continuing the treatment and on doing things in life that make you feel good.
This is also, fyi, the best way to meet people you have things in common with — by following your passions. What hit me in this article is point 6 and the second part of the point Also the idea of falling in love literally shatters me into pieces. When I was younger, during adolescence more specifically, I used to think that love was something stupid and at certain point I had wanted to prove that people could live without love.
During high school it was often about finding a boyfriend or just somebody to like. I liked my friend so I spent my time with them. I feel lots of contrasting feelings about it. And sometimes I even find it almost annoying. As I was saying I like the idea of a relationship, but the moment it becomes something real I run away or better I find it unappealing at all.
Or maybe I just like the idea of love. Usually they would end up lasting for 3 months. I always fell in love immediately but when the guys get all lovey dovey and cares too much for me. I push them away and have nothing to do with them. I am seeing therapist and I am on depression, anxiety, mood stabilizers and sleeping pills.
Gosh that is a lot of medication sounds like you are in the USA. We are sorry to hear you are struggling. But glad you are seeing a therapist and hope it is someone you feel you could trust. They are not like the movies. What would happen if you got to know men you are interested in as people, without any talk of sex, or any physical interaction ,for a good few weeks?
What are you afraid they might see? And are you sure those fears are real? Or are they hangovers from childhood traumas, negative self beliefs that no longer hold true?
In most cases, with this sort of repeat behaviour with others, there is childhood trauma or a lack of supportive parenting.
These are all things your therapist will hopefully help you work through. Thank you for sharing all this. First things first — could you try to be a bit kinder to yourself about this? Do you want to know the secret truth that nobody is talking about? And a LOT of people are faking. Love is about being able to be ourselves around someone else and be appreciated, even as we appreciate them for being themselves.
That takes time. And it definitely does not start from jumping into sex, despite, again, what movies tell us. So yes, give yourself a break. Then start to learn. Educate yourself about what love and relationships really are. We have a lot of articles on relationships on here you can read, for example. And there are hundreds of self help books out there. Second thing — love is imperfect and often we have to make a lot of mistakes first. You say you are terrified of someone you love leaving.
What is the worst thing that could actually happen if that was something you went through? Would the world end? Maybe not. All this said, you do seem to be suffering very high levels of anxiety, possibly depression, and have a pattern of pushing others away and possibly engaging in destructive relationships. A good therapist or counsellor can help you look at your fears of abandonment and help you find healthier ways of relating to others.
I have never had a desire for someone unless it was just for sex. But I have never felt attracted to another human in a loving kind of way. We feel this is something definitely worth exploring with a therapist.
It might indeed be connected to sexual abuse, but it could be a combination of other factors as well. Together you can look at all possible causes, get honest about how this experience really is for you, and work to take small steps to create change that leaves you feeling more connected. At the very least, if it was just the way you want to be, or is discovered to be an intrinsic part of your personality, you could learn to stop judging and comparing yourself.
Can therapy really help me overcome this? Yes, Lola, therapy could help you overcome that! Are you a teen? And there is nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone. In fact how long have you known him even? As we find most people are just people, everyone has flaws. Do you know him enough to see and accept his? Or, is it possible your instincts are not good for a reason and you are idealising him? What is wrong with just being friends for a longer period of time and seeing what else you learn about him?
In summary, if you are young you are not doomed. You are learning who you are and how to get to know people. Hi Celest, we absolutely cannot give a diagnosis without knowing someone and their life history. I fell in love twice. I saw the news on his bio on Facebook and I was devastated. My problem is that I feel excited and great at first but after 2 weeks I begin to doubt everything and just feel drained physically and mentally.
But a week later I cried thinking why he lied and left me. After that right now I feel no love and I closed all doors for anyone to enter. Gosh Sam that is awful we are sorry to hear this, poor you. On the other hand, maybe you dodged a bullet? A good partner is someone who is loving and supportive.
Focus on yourself, on feeling good within yourself. I am in a relationship that is strong, we get along great, conversations and activities we do are exceptional as is the intimate side of the relationship. I definitely know that I am in love. However, he has several women he has sex with and I am only allowed sex with him.
States double standard. He says I am his. He also stated that he cannot and will not ever belong to or be with anyone. My feeling is, he has been drastically in some manner by another woman and now cannot go beyond what the intimacies he has.
He states I am his favorite and spends more time with me than any of the others. He is loving, affectionate, caring, tender and a fantastic lover.
What can I do to try and fix the problem. I have been truly hurt twice but I got through the pain. I do not tell him I Love Him as I know he would flee, as he has stated many times. Can you please advise what I should do. Should I break it off because I know I am going to be hurt. Hi KK, this will not be about the person you date, it will be about the things you learned in childhood.
Do you realise this is NOT love? This is NOT the way other people act in relationships? In summary, these are deep rooted patterns and the best thing you could do for yourself is find a therapist you get along with and commit to a journey of self discovery and healing, where you can learn how to have self esteem, and how to let others love you and respect you just as you are. What would happen if you shifted all your energy and attention onto….
What attracts you to complicated relationships where you have to fight to be loved? Do you believe that love must hurt? And be intense? Where did you learn that? All interesting things to explore. First of all, in our experience, we have never met a perfect person.
So what you are doing is putting him on a pedestal in order to cause yourself suffering and be able to escape your life as it is with a fantasy of some perfect person who will come along and save you. There is one person who can come along and save you, and she is looking back at you in the mirror. What would happen if you just decided to let go of waiting for a man to come along, and decided to focus on buidling your self esteem, learning more about who you are and what you want in life, and starting to go after that?
You have to put yourself first. Unfortunately therapy is also a relationship. Look for someone who seems a good person you could grow to trust and stick with counselling. THere is no magic answer, just like there is no magic man on his way. Did that mean I was trying to simply use her or force her to love me? Everyone needs validation though and sometimes asking for those things to be expressed IS important.
Simply having a person live with you, have sex with you, watch movies with you, eat with you, etc, is not enough to say they LOVE you. Expressing that love verbally or written does help you ascertain their emotions for you which is the basis of trust and commitment needed for a successful relationship and a desire to properly communicate with you.
I love my GF very much. Maybe she loves me too. But she wants me to proof that I really love her. I need to proof that I Love her. Please help me how to proof? Please tell me what to do I have been on the same boat as you but we both have did it to each other but I love him more then words can say.
Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. By Elizabeth Arthur. Share Tweet Pin It. Young lovers have a fascination for love and the way it works. And more than anything else, the impatient young want proof for everything. Firstly, there is no quick way to prove that you love someone.
Be truthful about your feelings and voice your thoughts. Things you should never do to prove your love As much as you may want to prove how much you love someone, avoid doing any of these things. Break the law just to appear cooler or get something for your partner.Apr 22, · If you give up now, you’re giving up the very bright future and great results you will get. Find out in this article why Giving up Is Not an Option. 8 Things To Do When You Feel Like Giving Up. Do what your future self will thank you for, not regret. Here’re 8 things to do when you feel like you want to give up.